Hidden Thoughts
by Nisa Cullen
Summary: Jasper loves Alice but when he meets her BFF Bella's new boyfriend Edward he feels something he's never felt before. What happens when he starts questioning himself? Will he act on it or keep his thoughts hidden?  E/J, AH, OOC, M/M Slash.-HIATUS
1. Dinner With Friends

**Title:** Hidden Thoughts

**Pen Name:** Nisa Cullen

**Rating:** M

**Disclaimer:** *Checks bank account* yep, I'm still not Stephanie Meyer. Not to mention I'm pretty sure she'd gasp at what I have her characters doing!

**Warning: This story contains graphic hetro and slash sexual content. If you don't like, don't read no problem!**

_**A/N: **__ Big hugs and love to my beta mama23keiki who is awesome and works with me despite my apparent allergy to proper punctuation. This story has been bouncing around in my head for a while so its nice to get this chapter out. See you at the bottom!_

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It really started simply enough. My girlfriend, Alice, had insisted we go to dinner with her friend, Bella, and her "man of the moment" - that's what I have taken to calling them. Every couple of months we had to go to a sit down dinner and a make small talk while she fawned over her latest Mr. Right. I really just wanted to skip the whole thing and even asked Alice if I could just wait and meet the next dude on the next go around; but of course, Alice said no.

"I have a great feeling about this guy. He seems different, special somehow, and I just think you two will get along well." Alice said in her all knowing way.

I wanted to point out to her that she had a good feeling about Paul, Marcus, and the king of all douches, Jacob; but that would be inviting a fight that I had no desire to take part in.

"Ok Ali, I'm in. What time should I pick you up and where are we meeting them?" I said with a defeated sigh.

"Pick me up at 7, we are meeting them at 8 at Carpe Diem." she said followed by a quick hang up. I smiled at the phone. I loved Alice and I knew, just like she did, that she would get her way.

So this is how I found myself sitting at an overly trendy restaurant with Bella, Alice, and my usual Jack and Coke, awaiting the latest Mr. Right Now.

"He'll be here soon, something came up at work and he said he'd be running a little late." Bella said with her brown eyes shining at the mere mention of Mr. Right Now.

"So Bells, tell us about Mr. McDreamy, is he awesome and fantastic?" I said with a high pitched voice, fluttering my eyelashes in exaggeration.

"Actually Jazz, he is. I've never met anyone like him. He's so kind, witty, and funny. I think you're gonna like him." she said with a hopeful smile. Not likely I thought to myself but I gave a small nod.

"Oh Bella, I hope we all hit it off. If so, we can drive up together for the art festival next month and make a weekend out of it." Alice said with her usual exuberance.

Leave it to Alice to go off the deep end. I haven't even met this guy yet and he most likely won't make it through his 90 day Bella trial period, and she's already got us going off on a couple's trip which I am certain I'll hate because dude will inevitably be a douche. I said nothing but drained my Jack and Coke and signaled to the waiter for another one.

A few minutes later when I heard steps approaching the table, I turned to congratulate the waiter on his quick return with my much needed alcohol, but I was frozen dead in my tracks as my eyes landed on the man I would venture to guess is the guest of honor.

He is - for a lack of a better term – beautiful. This thought in itself is troubling because he is man. But I cannot deny it. He is gorgeous, standing before me in a tailored suit with a stark white shirt underneath that highlights his broad shoulders; his waist is narrow; and his long sinewy build just highlights his overall beauty. His hair is in complete disarray as if someone's hands have been in it all day, tugging and pulling in pleasure; his lips are full and pouty and looked as if he had just finished eating raspberries; and his eyes were green - no green is far too generic a term to describe these pale green eyes - it reminded me of spring for some reason. And those beautiful green eyes are staring at me and smiling; and those luscious pouty lips are speaking and I am…

_What the fuck am I doing? _I know I am looking like an ass because I have no idea what the hell he is saying. I snap myself out of what can only be described as a lust induced haze in time to catch the end of something he's saying.

"…waiting too long but dinners on me, It's the least I can do for being so late." he said, reaching out to shake my hand.

"No problem…" I said, and then I freeze as I realize that this beautiful man standing before me, who I am sure has a name, but I have no clue what it is since I have been so busy focusing on how much I did not want to be here. Remembering I am mid-sentence, I quickly blurt out, "We all have a boss to report to and we do what we have to."

I reach out to shake his hand, and I immediately feel something as our skin touch. I don't know what the fuck it was, but I know I felt something - _a shock_ - when his hand met mine_. Maybe it's static from the carpet_, I thought; a definite tingle ran up through my forearm as I quickly dropped his hand and returned my full attention to my drink which has thankfully appeared out of nowhere.

He sat down across from me and leaned over, giving Bella a kiss on the cheek.

_Bella…oh shit Bella! Yes, Bella. He is Bella's date and I am here with Alice. Alice… oh shit Alice! Of course, Alice. I love Alice…yes, I do. And she is a woman - a beautiful woman; the type of woman you spend the rest of your life with and settle down and have kids with. _

_What the fuck Whitlock? What the fuck was that and why are you even thinking like this? You. Are. Not. Fucking. Gay! So why the hell are you still staring at this beautiful man in front of you? _

_Fuck! Did I just think "beautiful"? Yes, I did. Now what the hell am I suppose to do with these thoughts. Ok…ok, let's take this rationally. He's a good looking dude and you can recognize him as such without it meaning anything. You were just sizing him up like you would any dude. That's all. Now calm the fuck down and let it go! Damn Whitlock! _

I release a sigh and tune back into the conversation as Alice begins her not so subtle interrogation. Through her rapid fire questioning I learn his name is Edward, he's a year younger than me, originally from Chicago, has an older brother, has no pets, loves music and art, and works in publishing. He and Bella met at the library she works at during a new author showcase he attended. I calm down, feeling that whatever the fuck happened when he first arrived had passed - for the most part. I mean, I couldn't help but focus on how his mouth moved as he spoke rather than what he was actually saying and occasionally, I felt his eyes on me as the conversation flowed, but I tried to ignore it.

_Get a grip Whitlock! Of course his eyes are on you, you're talking dumb ass! It's not like his eyes are "on you_". _Jeez, I can't even remember the last time I had to give myself this many pep talks; not to mention, I'm kinda being a dick to myself right now_.

"So Jasper," Edward's velvety voice rings out, temporarily bringing me out of my thoughts, "Bella tells me you work at the University as a History professor."

_Fuck. _

_Me. _

_Now. _

The way my name rolls off his tongue immediately brings a host of thoughts to my mind.

_What would it sound like for him to scream my name in pleasure as I am fucking his brains out, sliding deep within his… _

_WHOA! His what? What the fuck Whitlock, you need to get a grip. I don't know where this shit is coming from but its go to stop now._

"Yes, Adjunct professor. I teach civil war and the history of the reconstruction mainly. This is only my second year, but I enjoy the work." I say with a smile, glad that my mental capacity has returned.

We had ordered and are now being served our meals. While the conversation continues flowing between the three of them, I proceed to try to keep my eyes on either my plate, Alice, or my seemingly bottomless glass of Jack and Coke. I am doing everything I can to keep my eyes off him and my thoughts hidden. I'm afraid of what will happen if he looks me in the eyes again.

By the time the waiter comes back with dessert I think I've downed four cocktails but _who the hell is counting? _Alice and Bella get up from the table, excusing themselves to go to the ladies room. _I wonder why they do that…always in pairs. Chicks make no sense sometimes._

"So…."

I am brought out of inner musings to realize that I am now alone…at the table…with him.

_Fuck, now I'm gonna have to look at him and make conversation._

"So…" I repeat, rubbing the back of my neck in a nervous habit.

I then look at him because honestly, it would be pretty fucking rude not to. And when I do, our eyes meet, and I am lost. He is looking at me with an intensity I have never felt before. His pale green eyes darken considerably. He was staring in my eyes as if he was searching for something, but what he's searching for I have no idea. His beautiful green orbs stared into my blue eyes, and I could do nothing but stare back as if I was in a trance. His brows furrowed as if he was trying to figure something out. I wish I could read his mind. I wish I knew what he was thinking. _Did he feel this too? This weird pull? And what the fuck did it mean?_

"Did you miss me?" Alice said while giving me a peck on the cheek, essentially breaking our stare-off.

"Of course, Ali" I said and I turned my attention to her, giving her my signature smile.

"I can tell," she whispered, leaning over and running her hand up my thigh, "feels like you are missing me a lot!" she whispered seductively while running her soft fingertips over my prominent erection.

_Fuck, when did that happen? Surely…surely, I did not just get a fucking hard-on from a look with a man. No, of course not. This is because of Alice, her hands on my thighs always get me hard ever since that first time she jacked me off the night of our first date. I always get hard at that memory. Whew, yeah, it's Alice and the half a bottle of Jack I've probably had by now and not Edward that's got me hard. Because if it was Edward…that would mean….well ok, I don't know what the fuck that would mean but it's not because of him so it doesn't matter._

We made it through dessert and on occasion while I chance a glance in his direction, he doesn't look at me again. I start to wonder why but decide it's for the best and I try to focus on the small talk around the table. I thought I was paying attention until I hear Alice say, "Of course, we'd love to. We have no plans for Saturday, right baby?"

_Shit, what are they talking about? _I look up and notice everyone is waiting on me to say something. "No baby, Saturday's fine." I unknowingly agreed.

"Great, so Saturday, we'll meet at the theatre. Bells, I'll call you tomorrow and we can set up the details."

_Shit, I agreed to go on another date with him. I mean, with them again? Why the fuck am I not paying more attention? Oh yeah, that would be the mix of the drinks and the complete loss of focus. _

Dinner has ended and we are now outside of the restaurant, saying our goodbyes. I give Bella a brief hug and then reach to shake Edward's hand again. _There it is again, that shock, like a current is flowing between us_. This time somehow I find the strength to continue to shake his hand and look at him in the face. "Jasper, it was a pleasure." he says with a little smirk.

_What the fuck, does he feel it too?_

"Edward…I agree. See ya later." I manage to get out before quickly dropping his hand and turning around signaling for a cab.

Once we are in the backseat of the cab, I couldn't keep my hand off Alice. She comments on how "someone's turned on" and I tell her I can't wait to get her home while I pull out all the stops - nibbling on her ear and kissing her on that spot on her neck that I know drives her crazy. After what feels like an eternity, but is only 15 minutes, we arrive at our destination. I hastily throw money at the cab driver and scoop Alice up in my arms and run inside the house. I couldn't wait. I had to have her and have her now. I have to feel what I always feel with Alice when we are intimate.

As soon as the door closes behind us, I rip off our coats and set her on the edge of the couch. I dive in hard, crushing her lips to mine in hungry urgent kisses. I relish her moans and when it feels like my lungs are burning from the lack of oxygen, I start placing open mouth kisses all over her as I slowly release the straps of her dress. She slides off the arm of the couch and turns around where I quickly unzip her dress, kissing every inch of creamy flesh that becomes visible. When her dress pools to the floor, she quickly steps out of it and is standing before me in nothing but a pale pink bra and panty set.

So feminine… so beautiful… so Alice.

She is a vision in the moonlight streaming through the room. The moon being the only light visible for I was too in a rush to turn on the table lamp. I quickly pull down her panties, kissing the back of her thighs, relishing in her soft whispers. Suddenly, I couldn't take it anymore. I push her forward and drop to my knees and dive between her legs with my tongue, relishing the feel of her slick folds. I grasp her ass cheeks with my hands, pulling her legs wider while I taste her essence.

"Jasper" she wails over and over again, vocalizing the pleasure I am giving her. I quickly stand up and unzip my pants, unable to take the time to take them all the way off. I know I need to be inside of her. I quickly position my hardness at her entrance, thrusting into her in one fluid motion. I lift my shirt and tuck it under my chin so I can see where we are joined. I continue to thrust into her, loving her moans and increasing my desire by watching my glistening cock slide in and out of her. She begins bucking back against me, seeking more friction.

"Harder, fuck me harder" she yells, and I can do nothing but comply. I pick up my pace and feeling her there with me. I reach around and begin flicking her clit to bring her off the edge with me. "I'm about to come, Jasper…oh Jasper!" Suddenly, out of nowhere, thoughts of Edward saying my name invade my mind. As Alice says my name, I can do nothing but think of him saying it too from earlier tonight at dinner. Picking up my pace again, I frantically pound into Alice. I feel her inner muscles clamp down on me as she orgasms and with three quick thrusts and a flurry of images in my mind, I come forcefully and loudly deep within her.

When I come back to earth, I look down, seeing that I've collapsed on Alice's tiny frame. She reaches her hand back and awkwardly pats my back. I slowly remove myself from her and try to catch my breath.

"Wow!" she says in a breathless whisper.

"I know." is my only reply.

She stands up and takes off the heels she is still wearing and with a kiss on my lips as a thank you, she giggles. "Are you ok?" I say with concern because I was anything but gentle. "You've got to be kidding me. That was hot. I can still feel you in me." she says with a smirk as she heads to the bathroom.

I pull my boxers up and sink into the couch. I'm glad I didn't hurt her but there's a problem - a really big fucking problem – one that I don't even want to think about. When I was buried deep in Alice, nearing climax, the only thought on my mind was him. Those pouty raspberry lips and what they would feel like on mine.

I

Am

So

Fucked

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**A/N2:** _Reviews are better than Edward in a tailored suit! Please press the little button!_


	2. Just a Fluke

**Title:** Hidden Thoughts

**Pen Name:** Nisa Cullen

**Rating:** M for sexual situations and Jasper's dirty mouth!

**Disclaimer:** Stephanie Meyer created a universe that I wish that I lived in, but until that is possible I will just turn her characters human and make them do dirty deeds!

**Warning: This story contains sexual contain of both the hetro and slash varieties. Slash means men having sex with men. If you don't like, don't read no problem!**

_**A/N: **__ To my slashanitas I hope you weren't scarred from the hetrosex in the last chapter but our dear Jasper is just trying to understand his feelings right now. Give him time! _

_Big hugs and love to my beta mama23keiki who fixes grammar and cheers me along with this tale and deals with my punctuation allergy._

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**_Last Time:_**

"_Wow!" she says in a breathless whisper. _

"_I know." is my only reply._

_She stands up and takes off the heels she is still wearing and with a kiss on my lips as a thank you, she giggles. "Are you ok?" I say with concern because I was anything but gentle. "You've got to be kidding me. That was hot. I can still feel you in me." she says with a smirk as she heads to the bathroom._

_I pull my boxers up and sink into the couch. I'm glad I didn't hurt her but there's a problem - a really big fucking problem – one that I don't even want to think about. When I was buried deep in Alice, nearing climax, the only thought on my mind was him. Those pouty raspberry lips and what they would feel like on mine._

_I._

_Am._

_So. _

_Fucked._

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**NOW:**

I awoke early the next morning with Alice's warm and half naked body lying next to me.

Looking down at her form pressed into my side and her little hand across my chest, I couldn't help but to smile as I watched her sleep.

_See Whitlock, this is how it is supposed to be. Beautiful, soft Alice wrapped in your arms every morning as you wake up._

Just then, Alice shifted a bit and her leg rubbed up against my morning wood. Never one to let an opportunity pass, I quickly rolled over Alice placing open mouth kisses all over her body until I woke her up.

"Morning baby," Alice whispered breathlessly, but I didn't want to talk, I just wanted to capture this moment. I quickly pushed into her, and we made love until the early afternoon.

XXX

The remainder of the week went well. I taught my classes, fucked Alice daily- sometimes twice a day. It seemed like I couldn't keep my hands off of her. Everything was perfect and normal, and I had convinced myself that whatever the fuck that was at dinner last Saturday night was nothing but a fluke.

_Damn straight it was a fluke, Whitlock. I mean what? A little static electricity from the carpet shocks you and some weird stare down and suddenly you are questioning everything? Let's be serious! This is normal. It was nothing!_

As the week began drawing to a close and just when I thought everything was fine, Alice called to remind me about our double date on Saturday with Edward and Bella. At the mention of his name, everything came rushing back to me - the thoughts and uncertainty - but I decided to just man up and go on this stupid double date to prove once and for all that it was a fluke and nothing but.

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It took me 3 hours to get dressed. Not just because I couldn't figure out what to wear but because I couldn't keep my hands off Alice. Two orgasms and a shower later, we left smiling hand in hand heading to the movie theater to meet Bella and Edward.

Arriving at the theater, I felt a little awkward. Alice ran and jumped into Bella's arms with her usual exuberance while I gave Bella a brief 'hello' kiss on the cheek. I thought for a moment to just give Edward a brief nod hello but when I released Bella, he reached his hand out in greeting with a breathtaking smile on his face.

_What. _

_The. _

_Actual._

_Fuck? _

_Did I just think his smile was breathtaking? I thought I was beyond this bullshit. Hell Whitlock, you are beyond this bullshit. Your cock has been in Alice more in the past week than the previous two months! _

I stuck out my hand basically resigned that whatever happened before was a fluke. I went to shake Edward's outstretched hand figuring I could handle a handshake. But Edward apparently had other thoughts and pulled me into a one arm man hug.

_Fuck._

_Me._

I couldn't help it. I just could not control myself. I allowed myself to be pulled close to him until my chest touched his, and I tilted my head slightly and inhaled. Edward smelled like a mix of soap, sandalwood, and something that was undoubtedly just him. As crazy as this sounds, the shock that ran up my arm in the restaurant was now a full on inferno running throughout my body and down to my cock. His scent was so heady, it took everything within me not to nuzzle his neck and lick his jaw.

_Lick his jaw? What the fuck, Whitlock? Now you are into jaw licking? What purpose does jaw licking serve anyway? Just let the man go and step away, Whitlock._

I released Edward after what must have been longer than was socially acceptable for two straight dudes in greeting and chanced a look at his face. His brows were furrowed and it looked as if he wasn't breathing.

He glanced at me briefly before he turned to Bella wrapping his arms around her waist.

_What was that look about? What does that mean? He didn't seem to mind or pull away so does that mean something? Or is this all in my head?_

"_Salt?"_

"I'm sorry what?" I said to Alice, realizing a bit too late that she has been talking to me.

"I said do you want to see Salt? You know, get your weekly Angelina Jolie fix in?" she said with a smirk.

"Of course baby," I said with mock enthusiasm.

"Bella, I swear when we first met, he was obsessed with Angelina Jolie. I mean she was the background on his computer wearing nothing but a towel!"

"Come on guys, she's Angelina! Am I right, Edward?" I said, looking for backup and still trying to figure out our moment before.

He looked to Bella and back to me before answering, "Nah, she does nothing for me."

"That's what I like to hear!" Bella said with a smile, placing a kiss on his cheek as we moved forward in the line.

_Wait, he doesn't think Angelina Jolie is hot? What does that mean? What straight guy doesn't think Angelina is hot? Is he trying to send me a signal? A message? Did he notice me breathing in his scent, and he's trying to tell me something? Whitlock, snap the fuck out of it! One minute you are normal then 90 seconds in his presence and you're apparently into jaw licking and trying to read subliminal messages in his lack of attraction to Angela Jolie?_

Alice interrupts my musing by ordering our tickets. I quickly pay for them and hurry her inside to the concession stand. After purchasing Alice a large tub of popcorn, soda, and some chocolate, I grab a bottle of water for myself, and we head to get our seats. After our awkward greeting, Edward and I barely acknowledged each other as we walked into the theater where the girls picked our seats. As we sat down, I was extremely grateful for the dark theater, and that we had the girls in between us, and the movie to keep us distracted.

As I was watching the screen, I noticed that just like I still enjoyed Alice, I was pretty much certain that I still would have sex with Angelina Jolie given the chance. But despite these thoughts, I also couldn't deny that I felt something when I greeted Edward outside of the theater.

_Yeah, something like a fucking hard on after hugging a dude despite spending the majority of the afternoon between Alice's mouth and thighs. Of course, I want to have Angelina Jolie – hell, straight girls want to do her. But why the fucking hard on, Whitlock? Do you want to have sex with Edward too? Whoa…whoa, ok let's slow things down. No one is thinking about having sex with Edward. I just happened to like the way he smells and that crazy electric thing that happens whenever he is near. And it may be possible that I want to lick his jaw. But here's the real question: does liking someone's smell and touch and thinking their lips look luscious make you gay? Does getting a hard on make you gay? I am pretty sure it doesn't because…well, it doesn't - hell, I love women, I love having sex with women, and I want to continue having sex with women. _

After the movie, I was a bit nervous about what we were doing next. When Bella suggested we head to a pub down the block, I was pleased that she chose a place with a crowd - I wasn't quite ready for small talk again. Fortunately, the girls were too animated by the movie to notice my lack of participation in the conversation.

As we began walking down the block to the pub, I put my hands in my pockets and completely avoided looking at or going near him. We popped into the pub and Black Star, a local band, was the band playing. We walked up to the bar where Alice and Bella ordered beers, I ordered a jack on the rocks, and Edward got a gin and tonic. While we were at the bar waiting for our drinks, he basically kept his back to me, and he kept his conversation up with Bella. I don't know why I even bothered to notice this.

_Oh who are you fooling, Whitlock? You know exactly why you notice this. It's because you notice everything about him. The way he seems to run his fingers through his hair as if he's exasperated; the way he is fingering the bar as if he's playing the piano rather than a mindless drumming; even how he keeps peeking out his tongue to lick those raspberry lips. You can't stop looking at him and that's why you bothered to notice! Damn it, sometimes_ _I hate when I am right. I am noticing everything about him. After a week of trying my damnedest to convince myself that whatever that shock and pull I felt when we first met was a fluke, a mix of static electricity from the carpet and a Jack Daniels induced haze was a joke. There was something about Edward that is drawing me in. But what the fuck does this mean and does he feel it too? This is so frustrating. He doesn't seem to notice or even seem to notice me noticing him. It is as if I am not having any sort of impact on him at all. _

After a second round where he basically kept his back to me and just focused on Bella, I pulled Alice to the makeshift dance floor and took her for a spin. I could not help but to occasionally glance in his direction from the dance floor. But I never caught his eye. While I was physically twirling Alice across the dance floor, I was mentally thinking back over our brief encounters trying to see any sign that he had felt anything out of sorts at all. While I think over it, the stare off in the restaurant could have completely just been me - I mean he was staring because I was. And outside of the movie theater, he was probably furrowing his brow wondering why the hell I was smelling him. So basically not only has my mind starting thinking crazy, hell, I was becoming crazy. And this craziness needed to end now. I turned my full attention back to Alice as I spun my little pixie across the floor.

After a few songs, I was getting thirsty so we made our way back to the bar where I ordered another round while Alice grabbed Bella and dragged her out to the dance floor.

"Well, this has been a fun night," Edward said taking the stool beside me.

As he took the stool, I could feel the heat off of his body through my shirt and land upon my skin. It was a heady sensation to feel him being so close to me with that likable jaw just out of reach.

_Whitlock! You have to get a grip right here and right now. You cannot keep thinking about him and his delicious scent and the warmth coming off his body right now. He hasn't really done anything and this - this whatever - is all in your head and you need to lock up these crazy ass thoughts and make conversation. You are an intelligent, rational person despite the insanity you are up to right now. Speak to him so you can get over this whatever because clearly this is one sided._

Tearing myself from my berating yet appropriate pep talk, I managed to answer his innocent query, "Yeah, interesting movie and it looks as if the girls are enjoying themselves," I said with a nod in the direction of the dance floor where Alice and Bella were jumping around singing along with the band.

"Yes, they certainly are," he said while turning around and leaning against the bar. As he leaned back, I could not help but to notice how his black t-shirt stretched across his chest or the size of his biceps where the short sleeves ended; the way his hair was standing in every direction and the way his muscles shifted as he reclined against the bar.

_His arms are so well defined. I wonder what they would feel like under my fingertips, and his chest is so sculpted that it makes me just want to touch it._

Before I could realize what I was doing, I adverted my gaze to his face, and he was staring right back at me. His eyes kept traveling from my face to my lips, and I couldn't help but to look back into his eyes - his beautiful spring colored eyes - which were clouded with something. I am not certain what, but it was definitely something.

_Hmm, perhaps he isn't completely unaffected because this was a different look from the restaurant. But the look raised the same questions. What is this? But there was something in this look that made me hope that he was just as confused as I am._

Alice came bounding up to me breaking the spell and asking if we were ready for another round. Edward seemed to shake himself out of whatever thoughts were racing through his head and turned his attention to Bella. As I turned around to ask Bella if she was ready for another round, I found her otherwise engaged.

Edward had Bella pressed up against the bar with his hands roaming her body. I couldn't help but to feel myself harden as I saw his pink tongue slip out of his mouth and into Bella's. When he grabbed her hips roughly, Alice cleared her throat to get their attention.

"I hate to break up the free show but do you guys want another round?" Alice said while grabbing my waist.

Edward leaned down and whispered in Bella's ear while looking me straight in the eye. Bella seemed to flush from head to toe at whatever he was saying to her.

"Actually, Ali, I think we are going to call it a night. I'll call you tomorrow," Bella said while giving Alice a quick hug.

"Later Jazz," she said with a quick wave as Edward stuck his hands in her back pockets.

I could not help but to miss the feel of his touch as he left without out so much as a handshake goodbye. Alice and I stayed for another round before heading back to her place.

We fell into bed - a tangled web of limbs and partially discarded clothing. Throughout our foreplay, I could not help but to remember the way his firm ass and lean legs looked in his jeans. The thought got me so hard I fucked Alice until the sun rose.

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A/N2: **Next Up - **_**What is Edward thinking? Is he unaffected?**_

_**Reviews are better than Edward in a black tee please press the little button and reviewers will get a preview of the next chapter. **_


	3. A Walk in the Park

**Chapter 3: **A Walk in the Park

**Title:** Hidden Thoughts

**Pen Name:** Nisa Cullen

**Rating:** M for sexual situations and Jasper's dirty mouth!

**Disclaimer:** Stephanie Meyer is creator of the characters I just like seeing pretty boys do dirty things!

**Warning: This story contains sexual contain of both the hetro and slash varieties. Slash means men having sex with men. If you don't like, don't read no problem!**

_**A/N: **The original plan was to hear from our dear Edward this chapter but he decided to be a total dick and not speak to me and Jasper just really wanted to have his say. Regardless, an insight into Edward is definitely on deck! Also, I have to say a HUGE AMAZING thank you to my beta mama23keiki who talks me off ledges, fixes a ridiculous amount of grammar problems, serves as a muse and cheers me on!_

_This chapter is dedicated to Ealasaid77 who is part corrupter, part inspiration and completely awesome!  
_

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**_**Last Time:**_

_Edward leaned down and whispered in Bella's ear while looking me straight in the eye. Bella seemed to flush from head to toe at whatever he was saying to her._

_"Actually, Ali, I think we are going to call it a night. I'll call you tomorrow," Bella said while giving Alice a quick hug._

_"Later Jazz," she said with a quick wave as Edward stuck his hands in her back pockets._

_I could not help but to miss the feel of his touch as he left without out so much as a handshake goodbye. Alice and I stayed for another round before heading back to her place._

_We fell into bed - a tangled web of limbs and partially discarded clothing. Throughout our foreplay, I could not help but to remember the way his firm ass and lean legs looked in his jeans. The thought got me so hard I fucked Alice until the sun rose._

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**Now:**

"Oh fuck! "I gasped mid moan as I felt the full weight of his delicious body as he laid naked upon me.

I fumbled around looking for something to hold onto in the attempt to keep me grounded as I could feel myself floating away on waves of ecstasy, not to mention, I needed to hold onto something to keep the tightening in my balls caused by feeling his firm chest against mine and breathing in his delicious heady scent. I closed my eyes as he nuzzled my neck and gently nipped down on this spot behind my ear that seemed to be hard wired directly to my cock. I thrust my hips up into his, and the feeling of friction his skin provided me turned me on even more.

"Mmm, Jasper . . . so good!" he moaned as he started to slide his sweat slickened body against mine. His hardness touched mine in the most amazing way as he began making tiny circles with his hips.

No longer able to control myself, I shouted "Edward" as I released the sheets and plunged my hands into his thick, copper colored hair. Pulling his face to mine, I couldn't resist pressing our lips together in a deep and frantic kiss. I felt his tongue press against my bottom lip, seeking entrance and requesting permission, as if I could deny him anything. I opened my mouth and felt his tongue sweep against mine, which sent shivers along my spine, and my hips thrusts into his in response.

"Yes…more," he moaned in between passionate kisses. As we continued to kiss, I let my hands travel from his hair, to the nape of his neck, and then I caressed his wide back and relished the touch of his muscles underneath my finger tips. Bringing my hands to his sides, I trailed my fingertips lightly over his ribcage, and he began lavishing my neck with kisses and nibbles and sensual licks while he continued to grind against me.

He began traveling from my neck to my collarbone, leaving my skin feeling as if it was on fire in his wake. He paused and kissed my Adams Apple, which made me go from soft moans to whimpers and growls. He looked up at me, and I could not help but to let out a whine in protest for him stopping his ministrations. But, before I could voice my distaste, his beautiful, green eye stare stopped me in my tracks, and his lips quirked into the most beautiful smirk.

Not being able to stand his teasing anymore, I quickly flipped him over so I could be on top and began lavishing his nipples with my tongue. Enjoying the taste of his skin and the way the squirmed under my touch, I began slowly trailing kisses lower and lower, loving his each and every tremble and moan as he sensed my intentions.

I reached down with my right hand while gently lapping at his navel as I grabbed his hardness, giving it a firm stroke. "Jasper-," he moaned in a deep, husky voice that made my already painful cock harder than I thought possible.

Without any further preamble, I wrapped my lips around the tip of his cock and began to suck. Edward threw his head back against the pillows, swearing to anyone who would listen, that my mouth was providing him with the best feeling in the universe. His compliments to my skills made my desire unbearable, and I had to tend to my own needs.

After gripping my cock with one hand, while maneuvering my mouth, and the opposite hand over his hardness, I gave him two, firm strokes, I then locked eyes with him as he reached down with his hand, caressed my cheek, and said, "Lindsay Lohan to see judge again today after failing a court mandated drug test."

I looked at him, quirking a brow, trying to understand why the fuck he is talking about Lindsay fucking Lohan while I have his cock in my mouth.

A bit frustrated, I decide to double my efforts, taking him deeper into my mouth, and swallowing against my gag reflex, allowing the head to slide slightly into my throat, which caused him to sit up then and yell, "Glee to do a sex charge episode featuring Britney Spears music this fall."

"What the fuck, Edward? First, its Lindsay Lohan and now you're talking about Glee?" I shouted, and then as I turn to get up off of him, expecting an apology, I hear, "Mel Gibson dropped by his agent and everyone else after latest tape released."

As I jumped up, I managed to trip over my covers, but instead of hitting the ground like I expected, I awake on my bed with a sheet wrapped around my neck, my boxers down around my left ankle, and 'Showbiz Tonight' blaring on the TV.

"Fucking sleep timer," I raged to the empty room.

_What the fuck, Whitlock? _I think as I slam my head back against the pillow with a sigh.

_Another fucking dream, full of cock, Whitlock… that's what it was!_

Every night this week I have been having the most amazing dreams, and I have woken up covered in cum more than once. Of course I wouldn't tell anyone that because, well- my last wet dream was when I was 14 and saw Demi Moore in the movie, 'Striptease', with my cousin, Felix. And second, it's pretty fucking embarrassing that after 12 years of clean sheets, I meet Edward, and I have now two fucking wet dreams in one damn week!

It's too much really. It's just getting ridiculous, and something has got to give!

_Yeah Whitlock, give…as in give into the cock. Let's face it, once could be a coincidence, but the way your cock is jumping to attention at the thought of him means something's there, and we both know it._

Fuck I hate when I'm right!

For the most part, I have been keeping my thoughts and inner turmoil hidden from everyone around me, hidden until I was alone or until Alice had fallen asleep or went home. I keep taking the memories of our brief time together, turning them over and over again, and trying to put the pieces together to make them add up to something - to anything - other than what I was feeling. But I couldn't help but to ask myself the questions that I needed to answer most- why was I attracted to Edward in a sexual way? Did he feel the same? And most importantly, if he did feel the same way, what the fuck would that mean?

* * *

The next Saturday afternoon found Alice and me strolling through the Merchants Market, set up on the street near Midtown Park, looking at the artisan crafts. And because I had the worst luck in the world, we, of course, had to run into Bella and Edward there. After a curt nod in my direction, we head off to stroll through the market together. As we wandered through the various booths, I would chance a look in his direction every now and then, but he was never looking my way. He kept pulling Bella to the other side of the street to look at some sort of yarn art and pine cone crafts that in no way either of them would be interested in. I told myself that this was a good thing, him not looking at me meant he didn't feel anything either, and it will make me keep these weird thoughts I've been having hidden easier.

But something felt off - felt different; it was as if Edward was avoiding me on purpose. Just as I was starting to wonder if he was avoiding me because I was acting weird, I chanced one last look in his direction while Alice was speaking to a potter. I felt his eyes on me. I turned towards his direction, and his eyes were roaming my body as I was bending to pick up Alice's latest purchase. I paused, and his eyes met mine, and I found myself lost in those pools of green again.

His brow furrowed as he stared me directly in the eye; it was as if his eyes were saying something. I wish whatever the fuck those green pools were silently expressing, I could understand them.

After the festival, I knew I could not go on like this. I had to figure out what the hell was going on with me, because after the look he gave me, I believed that I was not alone - at least I wanted to believe that it wasn't all in my head.

I dropped Alice off at home with a chaste kiss on the lips and promises to call her in the morning. I decided to drive around and just think about all of the shit that's been going on and how the hell I'm going to handle it all.

Since it's a recession and all, I didn't want to run out a tank of gas so I decided to stop by a hole in a wall bar I've passed several times, but never went into, for a drink. The kind of reflecting I needed to do would definitely require me leaning on the shoulder of my good friend, Mr. Jack Daniels.

As I pulled up to the parking lot and hopped out, I turned around clicking the alarm, not looking where I was going, and I ran directly into someone.

"Jasper?-" I heard him say. I look up and there he was . . .

Edward.

Fucking.

Cullen.

_Oh shit, Whitlock! He's here in the midst of your 'thinking about him' time. He's here, and he's in front of you - and damn he smells good, like sandalwood and sunlight. Wait- What? Sunlight? How the fuck does someone smell like sunlight . . . that's just stupid! It's not sunlight . . . it's more like lemons or something that grows in the , that's what it is, because sunlight is impossible to smell. Oh shit! He's touching me, and I feel it again . . . that crazy tingly feeling that I feel in the joints of my fingers and seems as if its running through my veins. I know he's just trying to steady me but does he realize what his touch does to me? Does he realize that I haven't been able to stop thinking about him since we first met weeks ago? And more importantly, has he realized that I haven't said a fucking word since we touched?_

_Fuck, Whitlock…SPEAK!_

"Edward?-"

_Perfect, asswipe, say his name like it's a question…that's sure to make him have a favorable impression of you._

"I mean, erm-hey, Edward, what are you doing here?"

"I live across the street actually. I'm just getting home. What are you doing here?" he says while sinking his hands into his pockets, leaning back on his heels.

"I actually was just driving by and felt like I could use a drink, and I thought I would stop by and catch a drink."

_Wait! Did I just say drink like eight times in one sentence?_

"Oh-" he says while running his hand through his hair, which somehow just perfects that just fucked style he has going on.

_This is it, Whitlock. It's time to take the horse by the balls or bull by the horns or whatever metaphor that comes with manning up._

"Would you like to join me?" I say while mentally crossing all of my fingers, toes and perhaps even a few blood vessels in the process hoping he says yes.

"Sure, I know the bartender, maybe I can get us a round," he says while gracing me with a full, megawatt smile.

As we walk into the bar, Edward heads to the far end and takes a seat on a stool, and I quietly sit beside him, looking around taking the lay of the land and desperately hoping that the power of speech doesn't elude me again. There aren't too many people here and not a lot of conversation starters.

"Eddie! Long time no see!" says the bartender loudly. I notice she's a pretty thing with reddish locks and is wearing a cowboy hat.

"Amy!" he says back while waving the bartender over for a hug.

_FUCK. _

_ME._

_NOW._

_He's standing with his feet on the foot bar leaning over the bar top. His legs look delicious in his soft denim jeans - and fuck me twice - his ass is at the perfect height to give me a completely, uninterrupted view. I have to thank whoever designed the foot bar for people to stand on; I have to thank the makers of his jeans; and I even want to tell this Amy that I love her for encouraging him to make such a move. _

My eyes are glued to his ass and fuck my cock has taken its cue to stand at full attention. He sits back down, and I am saddened that my view is gone; and my cock twitches in agreement that the ass display needs to happen again.

"Are you alright, Jasper?" he says, looking at me with concern.

_Wow, he looks as if he cares, and of course, I'm alright. Why would he even ask? _

"I'm fine," I say while clearing my throat unnecessarily.

"Oh ok. You look a little flushed," he says with a smirk.

_Oh fuck! Flushed? I glance down, and yep, I still have a boner. And wait… did he notice? Did he just smirk about me being flushed? Did he notice the boner? _

I quickly adjust myself and take a deep breath.

"So Amy, how about that drink?" I say finally, mastering the ability to use multi-syllable words.

I order my standard Jack and Coke, and Edward gets a beer. Amy keeps up a steady stream of conversation which works like a charm, and I start to relax. She makes a joke about blue bonnets and rodeos which completely loses me, but Edward throws back his head and laughs.

_Fuck! He is beautiful when he laughs. The crinkle around his eyes and the vibration in his chest is just beautiful. Fuck Whitlock! That's it! He is beautiful -you know it, and you feel it - now what?_

Since I don't know what to do, I just do what I do best and order another round.

After Amy passes me my second drink, she slides Edward another beer and heads to the other end of the bar to wait on some new arrivals, leaving us to our own devices.

"So Edward, have you lived in the area long?" I ask, grateful that all the money spent on my education has finally paid off and given me the ability to attempt a complete sentence in his presence. He releases a sigh and launches into a story of how he came to live in the area after living with a horrible roommate, which in turn, makes me tell him about the roommate I had sophomore year who wanted everyone to refer to him as 'K-Rock' and once came in so drunk that he peed in the closet instead of the bathroom. This led to us sharing more roommate stories, college stories, and even a little about our co-workers. We were just laughing, and I felt so relaxed. It was amazing how much we had in common as we shared our common interests; places we have traveled; and places we want to visit.

Things were going perfect, and I was laughing as Edward was sharing how he and his cousin, Emmett, had to catch a ride while carrying a chicken, when he placed his hand over mine as it rested on the bar. My laughing slowly died down as I looked at where our hands were joined, relishing the way his hand felt atop mine. The tingle was present again, as well as a constant warmth.

I didn't pull my hand away, and I realized that he hadn't either. He stopped laughing as well, as he looked at me searching my face with a questioning look in his eyes. I knew then I had to do something, say something, I just had to know.

"Do you feel it?" I said, almost as a whisper, and for a moment, I wondered if he could even hear me. After what felt like an eternity of silence, but was most likely just seconds, I chanced a look away from our joined hands and into his eyes, just in time to see him take a deep breath.

"Yes, Jasper...I do."

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**

* * *

**_**A/N 2:** Oh my we are getting somewhere. Please press the little review button below it really makes my day not to mention reviews are better than Edward leaning across the bar—ok maybe not better but it's a CLOSE race!_


	4. Reflections

**Chapter 4: **Reflections

**Title:** Hidden Thoughts

**Pen Name:** Nisa Cullen

**Rating:** M for sexual situations and Jasper's dirty mouth!

**Disclaimer:** Stephanie Meyer created these characters, this is her playground, these are her toys, I just like pretty boys who like boys.

**Warning: This story contains sexual content of both the hetro and slash varieties. Slash means men having sex with men. If you don't like, don't read no problem!**

**A/N: **I want to thank a moment to thank all you for taking the time to read this story, especially those of you who take the time to review! _Soo _Edward decided to talk to me so we are with Edward's POV.

_This chapter is dedicated to my wonderful beta mama23keiki who encourages me to write, fixes my punctuation and is all around awesome. _

_

* * *

**Last Time:**_

_Things were going perfect, and I was laughing as Edward was sharing how he and his cousin, Emmett, had to catch a ride while carrying a chicken, when he placed his hand over mine as it rested on the bar. My laughing slowly died down as I looked at where our hands were joined, relishing the way his hand felt atop mine. The tingle was present again, as well as the constant warmth. _

_I didn't pull my hand away, and I realized that he hadn't either. He stopped laughing as well, as he looked at me searching my face with a questioning look in his eyes. I knew then I had to do something, say something, I just had to know. _

"_Do you feel it?" I said, almost as a whisper, and for a moment, I wondered if he could even hear me. After what felt like an eternity of silence, but was most likely just seconds, I chanced a look away from our joined hands and into his eyes, just in time to see him take a deep breath._

"_Yes, Jasper...I do."_

* * *

**Now:**

**EPOV**

"Yes, Jasper . . . I do." I said, so low I doubted that he even heard me.

I looked up into Jasper's beautiful, blue eyes. They were such a wonderful shade of light blue, trimmed in navy—breathtaking and so expressive. His expressive eyes spoke to me that first night at dinner.

_Two Weeks Ago_

I was running late to meet Bella and her friends. Things were going fine with us — great really. So I couldn't say I was surprised that she was already pulling out the 'let's meet my friends for dinner' card. I felt we were just getting to know each other, but I figured why not meet her friends now. When I arrived at the restaurant, I quickly scanned the room for Bella. As soon as our eyes met, her entire face lit up. I rushed up to the table, but before I could greet her properly, I found my right side being attacked by a tiny pixie of a woman who could only be Alice, Bella's best friend. Alice was a short, little thing; she could not be taller than five feet without the heels she was wearing. I gave her a gentle hug, apologizing for my tardiness.

"I know you guys have been here awhile, and I see you have already started on the drinks." I said, nodding to the glasses on the table. "I hope I haven't kept you waiting too long. So for that, dinner is on me. It's the least I can do for being late," I finished with a smile, releasing her hand and turning my attention to her date.

As I reached out to shake his hand, his gaze seemed slightly out of focus; I started to wonder how much he had to drink. As our hands touched, I felt this— I don't know—tingle. He kept his warm hand in mine a little longer than normal for a first time meeting; but given the energy of Alice, I figured they were just close contact people, so I dismissed it and took my seat. As dinner began, I turned on the charm for Alice and tried to be engaging in conversation to make a good impression.

As dinner progressed, I noticed Jasper watching me a few times. Figuring he was just watching out for his friend, I tried to bring him more into the conversation and let him know I was a nice guy. As we spoke, I couldn't help but to notice how he was still watching me. It seemed as if he was focusing more on _how_ I was talking than what I was actually saying. Honestly, it made me a bit self-conscious, so I redirected the conversation to Alice who clearly could carry on an evening's worth of entertainment without any assistance from us.

When the ladies excused themselves to the restroom, I turned to Jasper to make conversation but was stopped short by his gaze. He was looking me over, and the way his eyes roamed over me — it was as if I could feel his gaze. And for some reason, I was unable to look away.

I was grateful that Bella returned when she did as I was uncertain as to what just happened while they were gone. I made certain to keep my eyes off of him and on Bella only. She asked if I had plans for the next Saturday, and when I said 'no' the girls planned a double date for us. I couldn't help but to wonder, while they were talking about times and places, what Jasper was thinking of at the moment. _Was he confused about our stare off?_ I just couldn't be sure that this wasn't all in my head. When we left the restaurant, I shook his hand again just to check that we were still cool and I felt it again— that tingle — when our hands met. But honestly, I could ignore it. I had ignored it all – until a week later when we met at the movie theater. He greeted me, pulling me in close; and I could swear I felt the tip of his nose in the crook of my neck. He pulled me into a far too brief one arm hug. Feeling his skin against my neck made my cock twitch and at that moment I knew that I was attracted to Jasper. I just didn't know what the hell to do about it. I was on auto-pilot the rest of the evening just trying to get through the night and to get home and think over everything I was feeling. We ended up at a bar, and I could swear Jasper was checking me out. I really wanted to do the same, but I couldn't. I could not let myself go there – I was with Bella and he was with Alice.

As if on cue, Bella chose that moment to come over and literally attack me with sloppy kisses and gropes. While I kissed her back, something felt…_off_. So I quietly told her we should leave since she clearly already had enough to drink. When we got to her place, I told the cab to wait and she seemed disappointed that I wasn't coming up. I couldn't do it, not with my mind being so . . . well—so everywhere. I gave her a chaste kiss on the lips and told her I would call her the next morning.

That night I knew I was in trouble because while I liked Bella, I felt some kind of connection to Jasper Whitlock.

* * *

"So. . . It's not just me?" Jasper said in a small voice, seemingly unsure if he wanted to ask the question or not.

"No, I feel it too. Have you ever—I mean, are you? I mean—" I started, trying to figure out how to express what I wanted to ask. I hated being tongue tied, I am usually confident in what I want to say but something about Jasper makes me so unsure of myself.

"Edward, I know what you are trying to say, and the answer is no, I'm not—at least I never thought I was, honestly. It's you…just you. Is that strange?" Jasper asked me as if I had answers to any of his questions.

I let out a nervous chuckle, not sure how this could not be strange. I mean, I'm sitting with my girlfriend's best friend's boyfriend, discussing how I am attracted to him.

I took a moment to think. To really think if I had felt like this before. Honestly, I had never felt this connection I feel with Jasper before. I mean, I have seen a guy a few times and found them attractive and not in a strictly platonic way, but I never dwelled on it, and I certainly never acted on it. I never wanted to—OK, that's not entirely true.

In college, I roomed with my cousin, Emmett, in our first off-campus apartment. Things were going great until I came home to find his friend, Riley, crashing on our couch surrounded by two suitcases, a box of books, a bong, and a guitar.

"Um, Em…what's going on out there?" I said to Emmett, thumbing in the direction of our now much occupied living room.

"Eddie!" he said with his usual jovial exuberance.

"Don't Eddie me, I hate that. What's going on?" I asked him in my most 'cut the crap' tone.

"Well E, Riley and his girl got into it about something and she kicked his ass out, so I thought he could stay with us. It's probably just for a few days, and she'll be begging him to come back." Em finished as if this happened every week.

I agreed because he was already there and it's not like I could kick him out. It turned out Riley was cool. He was really funny and had a story for every freaking situation and kept me laughing. I started to enjoy his company.

A few days after Riley started staying with us, I got up to take a piss and was met with Riley walking to the bathroom in all of his natural glory — and what a glory it was. Riley had this shiny, brown hair he kept long; it ghosted over his straight nose and chiseled jaw, well-defined pecks, and sculpted abs. He had this light dusting of a happy trail that lead down to neatly trimmed pubes. He had a very large cock that slightly curved a bit and his balls were large and slightly pink – and completely shaved! _Who_ _knew dudes even shaved their balls outside of porn? _ And fuck he was hard! I suppose it was just morning wood, but he was just standing at slightly curved attention a few feet from me.

I couldn't help but to gawk at him as he stretched and scratched his chest, strolling past me into the bathroom and shutting the door, leaving me standing in shock.

I mean…yeah, I had seen dudes naked before, but I've never "really looked". But with Riley…I was seriously looking. A few minutes later, Riley came back out of the bathroom, murmuring how it was 'all mine' as he strode past me and passed back out on the couch.

I rushed into the bathroom, closing the door and leaning against it. Taking a deep breath, I looked in the mirror and noticed my very prominent erection tenting my sleep pants. Part of me wanted to think it was just my morning wood, but honestly, I knew it was because of Riley.

I was really confused as to why this was happening. I started thinking it was just because being twenty-one years old, I get hard constantly. But slowly, I started thinking that perhaps I was a boy who liked boys . . . and girls too.

Before I could say anything to Riley – well honestly, I wouldn't have said anything anyway – his girlfriend came over and he moved back in with her. I saw Riley on occasion at events, but he was always with his girlfriend, Tanya.

Outside of Riley, I had not felt this feeling before. A few times I've ventured into watching porn that included some bi-threesome action, but there was always a chick involved. I could get myself to the edge just as quickly watching a guy take a girl as I could a guy take a guy. I never thought I would be compelled to say anything and since I haven't acted on anything, I considered myself still straight – at least I think I am.

I enjoy women, but looking at Jasper and his wavy, blonde hair, blue eyes, and pale pink lips, I could not deny that I wanted him.

"How long?" Jasper said, almost as a whisper, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"What do you mean?" I asked, lightly rubbing a circle on the back of our still joined hands.

"I mean…how long have you felt _this_?" he said without moving his eyes from our joined hands.

"Since the movie theatre," I revealed.

He slowly nodded his head and seemed to be deep in thought, trying to carefully choose his next words when I noticed Amy heading back in our direction.

I dropped his hand from mine and turned my attention back to Amy.

"So guys, how about another round?" she asked, tipping her cowboy hat at Jasper.

"I think we are good, Amy. How about the check?" she nodded and walked back to ring up our tab.

"Jasper, would you like to come to my place?" I asked.

After a long pause he replied, "I don't know if I'm ready for that."

I immediately regretted my choice of words. "Jasper, that's not what I meant. I meant…would you like to talk somewhere a bit more private than here?" I stated, motioning to the now filling bar. "I live right across the street." I said, hoping I was putting him at ease.

After looking around, taking in our surroundings and then glancing back at me, he seemed so unsure.

"It's no big deal, maybe another time?" I responded, trying to backpedal a bit from my invitation while throwing some cash for both our tabs on the bar, plus a nice tip for Amy.

Jasper said nothing as I turned back around and motioned to the door. As soon as we stepped outside, I took a deep breath and turned to Jasper, not sure exactly what I was going to say.

"So— do you have any Jack at your place?" he asked.

"Of course," I said with a smile.

"Let's go," Jasper said, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

I turned and lead Jasper down the street to my apartment so we could talk and maybe I could figure something's out.

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XXX

_A/N2: Reviews are just as exciting as seeing the snaps from the Breaking Dawn set, please take a moment and press the little button. Reviewers get a teaser for the next chapter!_


	5. Decisions

**Chapter 5: **Decisions

**Title:** Hidden Thoughts

**Pen Name:** Nisa Cullen

**Rating:** M for sexual situations and Jasper's dirty mouth!

**Disclaimer:** Stephanie Meyer created these characters, this is her playground, these are her toys, and I just like pretty boys who like boys.

**Warning: This story contains sexual content of both the hetro and slash varieties. Slash means men having sex with men. If you don't like, don't read, no problem!**

**A/N: **I am thrilled by the response to the last chapter of this story! It's amazing that every time I hold my breath and press the publish button over a 150 of you get a message in your inbox! I want to say a special thank you to every one of you who have read, reviewed, alerted, added to favorites and PM'd!

_Hugs and thank you to my wonderful beta, mama23keiki, who encourages me to write, fixes my punctuations, is all around awesome and did the beta on this while sick!_

_This chapter is dedicated to my friend, Jazzy, who bravely came out in a less than ideal setting and was my inspiration for this chapter._

_Sorry for the delay with this chapter. Let's just say some people can hand-write things and type them later. I am not one of those people. But you get a double length chapter this time. Alright, enough with my rambling, let's get on with the show! _

* * *

**Last Time:**

"_Jasper, would you like to come to my place?" I asked._

_After a long pause he replied, "I don't know if I'm ready for that."_

_I immediately regretted my choice of words. "Jasper, that's not what I meant. I meant…would you like to talk somewhere a bit more private than here?" I stated, motioning to the now filling bar. "I live right across the street." I said, hoping I was putting him at ease._

_After looking around, taking in our surroundings and then glancing back at me, he seemed so unsure._

"_It's no big deal, maybe another time?" I responded, trying to backpedal a bit from my invitation while throwing some cash for both our tabs on the bar, plus a nice tip for Amy._

_Jasper said nothing as I turned back around and motioned to the door. As soon as we stepped outside, I took a deep breath and turned to Jasper, not sure exactly what I was going to say._

"_So— do you have any Jack at your place?" he asked._

"_Of course," I said with a smile._

"_Let's go," Jasper said, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his jeans._

_I turned and lead Jasper down the street to my apartment so we could talk and maybe I could figure something's out._

**

* * *

Now:**

**EPOV**

I could feel him walking a little behind me as we made the brief journey to my apartment. I looked both ways as we crossed the street, heading to my walk up. I was nervous—really nervous. I mean, ever since the movie theatre, I have been thinking about Jasper. For me to have run into him outside my home of all places had to be a sign and for him to say he feels some sort of attraction to me as well—I was pleasantly surprised. I mean, I thought that he was checking me out a little, but I really didn't think we'd be here about to talk about it. It kinda freaks me out a bit to be here with a guy and talking about attraction, but when I look at Jasper, something about him just draws me in so I have to try.

"This is me," I said, motioning to my brownstone.

"An End-unit? Nice!" he said with a smile. He has such a beautiful smile; it lights up his entire face.

"Yeah, I lucked out finding an end unit that was already sound proof which was a must have for me," I said while unlocking the door.

I heard his sharp intake of breath as I opened the door and motioned for him to follow me in. Jasper was studiously looking anywhere except at me which made me wonder what caused the sudden change in his demeanor.

As Jasper entered, I tried my damndest not to check him out as he walked past me, but I couldn't help it. His dirty blonde hair fell in soft waves and curls; jaw sharp; nose perfect; and—oh my God—his lips were such a lovely shade of pale pink. It took all of my restraint not to reach out and touch them to see if they were as soft as they looked.

_So much for not checking him out_.

Leading Jasper through the house, I started with the living room and then briefly showed him the music room.

"Oh…you play?" he asked, gesturing to my piano.

"Umm, yeah, I love to play. I started taking lessons when I was six. Music was my first love. Grace was the first present I bought for myself when I landed a major account, and she's my pride and joy," I shared while running my fingers along the ivory keys.

"Grace?" he asked.

"Oh yeah, sorry about that, Grace is what I call my Steinway. She's top of the line and really keeps me going. Do you play?" I asked.

"No, not piano, but I do play a little guitar every now and then," he said, looking around the room. _Wow, a music lover too? We have so much in common._

"Well Grace here is why I had to have a soundproof home," I said "Neighbors seriously get pretty ticked if you are playing Bach at 2 am when everyone else is trying to sleep," I added with a shrug.

"OHHH, now it makes sense," he said as if he just figured something out.

"What does?" I asked.

"When you said sound proofing, I thought you meant—I mean you could have meant—I mean…" he stuttered as he began to blush.

I had to bite my lip to keep from moaning as he looked at me shyly through his lashes with that blush covering his cheeks.

Not sure of what to say and not wanting to push him against Grace and show him a host of other reasons to have a soundproof home, I just turned to walk out of the room and continued the tour. I stopped to point out that the bedrooms and my home office were up the stairs. Part of me wanted to take him upstairs but I was a bit afraid of how he would react being that close to my bedroom. So I thought I would keep it neutral as I led him into my kitchen for our final stop.

I proceeded to open the cabinet and pull out two glasses and a bottle a whiskey. "Jack Daniels, right?" I asked.

"Yep, Jack's always been there for me in good times and in bad," he mused with a soft chuckle.

I couldn't help but to smile back at him with that statement. But then I felt my smile falter a bit when I thought back to his words. I wonder if he thought this was a good time or a bad one. Does he regret being attracted to me? I mean, he didn't seem to be in the bar, but now he seems a little unsure. He refuses to look at me and his eyes keep darting around the room as if I am making him nervous.

"Jasper, relax," I said, handing him a drink before motioning to the sofa so we could have a seat.

He followed me but sat as far as possible from me on the couch.

"So–"

"So–"

We said in unison.

"Jasper…"

"Edward…"

We both laughed nervously.

I took a sip of my drink and was grateful when he broke the awkward silence.

"Edward, listen...I have no idea what I am doing here. I have been a bit lost and confused since we met. I really don't know what all of this means," he said in a rush.

"Thank goodness! I have no idea either. I am just following the flow here."

While I hate seeing Jasper so distressed, seeing that he was just as nervous as me made me feel so much better.

"Edward, this is awkward. I have been in my head too much and honestly, I have been dying to say this, but…I think I'm attracted to you. There's just something about you that draws me in and I have never felt like this before. I know I started to ask at the bar, but do you know what I am talking about? Do you feel something too?" he said, motioning between us.

I leaned back into the sofa, stretching out a bit, and decided it was time to come clean.

"Well, I may have found myself looking a time or two at a guy but I've never acted on it, and I never wanted to until I met you. I mean, you are funny, smart, and we have so much in common. I have only been with women my entire life but I believe part of being attracted to someone is more than just gender. So no, I haven't felt this way before." I said, reaching out and placing my hand upon his as it lay on the sofa.

When our skin touched, I felt that tingle travel through my body again and I chanced a look at Jasper whose breathing had become heavier. Sliding closer to him on the couch, I began drawing patterns on his skin, feeling the texture of his fingers under mine.

Seeing his reaction to me made me feel much more confident that I wouldn't make a fool of myself here.

"Jasper, I am not sure we can help who we are attracted to, but I know I am attracted to you. I don't see how attraction can be wrong even if someone else wants to label it as being straight, bi, gay or whatever—it doesn't matter. All I know is I am attracted to you."

At that moment, we locked eyes and I could see his indecision, his uncertainty. But as his tongue peeked out between those beautiful, pale pink lips, I knew that I had to kiss him. I had to find out if his lips were as soft as they looked.

Looking him in the eye, I leaned in slowly until I could feel his breath upon my skin. _"Jasper,"_ I whispered as my eyes fluttered closed. I leaned in closer and right when I thought our lips would touch, he quickly turned his head and I placed a kiss on his cheek instead. I pulled back confused.

"Jasper?" I said, wondering what happened; if I had misread the signs.

"Edward, I—I…have to go," he said while jumping up off the couch, heading toward the front door.

I just sat there in shock, not sure what the hell to say, as he walked out the door without another word.

I sat there staring at the door after Jasper left—just staring and waiting. I didn't know what to do, or to think, or to expect. Part of me was hoping that he would walk back in at any minute and tell me that he was sorry for walking out and want to talk to me. Part of me was worried that I moved too fast. Even part of me was worried—really worried—about what he would do next.

After sitting for what seemed like hours going over my day, our time at the park, the conversation, and the tour of my home; thinking about ever moment and wondering what Jasper was thinking. When I reflected on our conversation, I started to pick up on things that I really didn't think much of before.

_I don't know what I am doing here._

_I have been a bit lost and confused since we met. _

_I really don't know what all of this means._

I realized then my biggest mistake, I assumed Jasper was where I am. Granted he said he was attracted to me, but he didn't know what it meant and let's face it, I have held thoughts for years and this is nerve wracking for me, no wonder he ran out the door. With that thought I decided to take a long shower and head to bed.

The next morning, I woke up and my first thought was of Jasper. _Would he call? Would he come by? Is he ok? Will he want to speak to me again? _

I honestly had no idea what he was thinking.

After making myself some breakfast, I was washing dishes when my cell phone began to ring. I had given Jasper my number at the bar before everything got weird so I hoped that he would call. After nearly tripping four times getting out of the kitchen to the couch, I dove for the phone in anticipation and when I saw the name on the screen my face fell—_Bella. _

_Yeah, I need to figure out what to do about her._

* * *

**JPOV**

As I began walking back to my car, the panic set in. _What have I gotten myself into?_ Granted I knew I had been thinking about Edward and trying to figure out what was going on between us but being there—with him, alone in his house—it was too much too soon!

_What the actual fuck! He not only felt the same way but he seemed so confident. I can't help but to think about what going down this path would mean. Am I ready to be with a man? I mean, actually be with? In a relationship? What about Alice? What would she say? What can I do?_

The panic became too much and that's why despite my body screaming at me to give in to Edward and to kiss him and see where this—this whatever— went, my mind had a bullhorn and a siren saying _'NO'_.

Everything was so new and I was confused and now I had a totally different set of questions –gay, straight, bi?

_What am I? I haven't been checking out guys for years like Edward. I have been with women and not to toot my own horn, but many women and I honestly loved it. Am I ready to give that up for something unknown? I don't even know if I am attracted to guys or if it's just Edward. If it's just Edward I'm attracted to, I don't have to label it…right? I can be straight with a side of him? Is that a category? _

Feeling more confused than ever, I climbed into bed in my apartment and tried to shut the world out, hoping in the morning answers would find me.

The next day I awoke and the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and as I looked out of my bedroom window, everything in the world looked just as it was before despite the major turmoil going on in my life.

I looked at myself in the mirror and I didn't look any different. Despite looking the same, I couldn't help but to believe that I wasn't the same. I had told a man last night that I was attracted to him and I almost let him kiss me!

_Fuck! Figure this out, Whitlock. You need to figure out this attraction thing. It is just so difficult and disturbing to be so unsure. This uncertainty is such bullshit—I'm not some 13-year-old popping wood for the first time trying to figure things out. I mean, shouldn't I have went through this soul searching back then? _

Right in the middle of my angry tirade my cell started ringing. I silenced it without looking at the screen and slipped the battery out.

* * *

After ignoring my phone for the remainder of the weekend and spending far too much time watching crap TV, I realized that I couldn't hide any longer. My weekend showed me that admitting I am attracted to Edward was just as bad as trying to figure out if I was attracted to him, if not worse. I knew I couldn't avoid her any longer – I needed to talk to Alice.

I took a deep breath, steeling myself for her voice, and I was completely unsurprised when she picked up on the first ring. I invited Alice to meet me at Tanqueria Del Sol, a Mexican restaurant near her place. Ali loved margaritas and honestly, I hoped that tequila would make this conversation go easier.

I arrived 30 minutes early to get a seat in the most private area of the patio and began to prepare myself for Alice.

_All right Whitlock, you've done well. A good public place—she's less likely to make a scene in a public place—at least I hope she won't make a scene in a public place. Ok, maybe I should look into taking her back to my place for this conversation. No, she could silently beat me to death there and I doubt my neighbors would notice. Ok, yeah—this place is fine. I'll just move the knives to my side of the table and hope I'm quick enough to keep them from her._

"Hey, Jasper!" Alice said, catching me off guard.

"Ali, hey," I said, pulling out her chair.

_Damn it, why did she have to be early? I wasn't ready for her to show up yet! Get a grip Whitlock. Honestly, when will you ever be ready for this conversation?_

"Jasper, I'm so glad you called! I didn't hear from you all weekend! You look tired? Are you not sleeping well? Are you ok? Oh look, there's tequila of the day!" Alice rapid fired off at me without so much as a breath between questions.

"Alice, I— we…need to talk," I finally said.

"What's with the heavy, Jasper?" Alice said, looking at me with nothing but concern.

"Alice, something happened and it's just eating me up inside," I said in a low voice, unable to maintain eye contact.

"Something happened? What do you mean something happened? What did you do?" she rapidly fired off before pausing to eye me warily.

"Alice, it's not like that. I mean, it could—ok listen, this is—I can't believe I am going to say this but if I don't get this out now I don't know if I ever will," I finally said, finding my voice.

"Ok Jasper, what is it?" she replied calmly.

"Just promise me you won't hate me too much…okay?" I pleaded.

"Jasper, you are scaring me here. Just tell me!" she said in a voice that made me have to look her in the face.

"Ok, first of all, nothing happened. It's just that I have been having these thoughts and I really didn't think much of them at first." _Ok, that's a half lie. _"I have recently found myself attracted to someone and I am so torn up over this. I was shocked to find myself attracted to this person. I didn't mean for this to happen. But after a lot of self searching, I realized that I can't help who I am attracted to. But it's confusing because I am still attracted to you. You know I find you beautiful, but please know I didn't act on it. I couldn't do that to you," I said while keeping my eyes glued to the condensation on my glass of water.

After a moment of silence, I was startled by her laughter.

"Jasper, my goodness," she said between laughs while hitting my arm.

_Ok, that's not the reaction I was hoping for but at least she's not stabbing me or anything._

"You had me scared! Ok, you found someone attractive—big deal! Jeez, I didn't realize I was so good that you stopping looking, but I'll take it," she said with a laugh.

_I thought she would be upset but she seems to be ok with this? Did I say it right?_

The waiter chose that moment to show up and Alice ordered a margarita with a side car while I decided to stick to water.

"I thought you'd be pissed," I finally said after we placed our food order.

"Nothing happened, right?" she asked.

"No, nothing—I swear. I couldn't do that to you. It wouldn't be right," I replied and honestly, it really wouldn't be right.

The waiter returned with Alice's drink and she took her shot. She eyed me as if she was searching my face for something. I started to worry. But before I could freak out, she took a sip of her margarita and launched into a play-by-play of her weekend.

Everything felt normal—almost.

_Whitlock, you didn't lie to her but you didn't tell her the whole truth either. Okay, perhaps I didn't volunteer details but then again she didn't ask. And if they don't ask, you don't have to tell. That's how that policy works, right? Ok maybe I could have volunteered the information but she seems fine that nothing happened and since nothing happened, does gender matter?_

Right then while Alice was recapping her adventures at the opening of some new boutique, I started really wondering if gender mattered. Edward was right…you can't really help being attracted to someone. Alice had pretty much said the same thing. It happens – you see someone and you either find them attractive or not.

As Alice continued talking, I started to look around the restaurant at the other patrons. And I really took the time to look, taking in the features and trying to assess my interest—nothing caught my eye.

Not the blonde boy with the All-American boy next door look; or the guy with him that was sporting a Jersey Shore tan; not the big muscled guy at the bar; not the overly skinny waiter.

_Hmm…Ok Whitlock, maybe it's just him—maybe it's just Edward. So that means you don't have to go throwing around titles and labels if it's just Edward. Damn, the thought of his name just made my cock twitch._

Alice talked for another hour or at least through a pitcher of margaritas. I steadfastly avoided them because tequila + Jasper = truth serum. Since Alice was sufficiently buzzed and perhaps a good bit tipsy, I walked her to her place where she reminded me of a gallery opening on Saturday that I had committed to attending. I agreed to still go and with a brief goodbye kiss, I left Alice and decided to stroll through the park and take some time to clear my head.

Just as I did in the restaurant, I started looking at the people in the park and really noticed them. As I was watching a little boy arrange toy soldiers into a quite impressive 'Assembly Point' battle formation, I saw him.

I immediately knew I had never seen him before. He was about equal to my six feet and he was jogging shirtless. He had close-cut hair, a strong nose, and these fucking delicious looking pink lips. His bare chest was hairless and his dark nipples were hard. His abs were rock solid and his tiny belly button had me entranced as his abs flexed while he jogged, ear phones in and ignoring the world. I couldn't help but to notice how his toned legs moved with each step, his red basketball shorts hanging dangerously low on his hips, highlighting his black boxer briefs beneath them. As he turned the curve, I was complete entranced by his back and its shape and how it glistened slightly in the sun.

_I wonder what his back muscles would feel like under my fingertips. _

_Okay—it's official. _

_It's not just Edward. _

_Fuck, I think I'm bi!_

* * *

**_A/N2:_** Reviews are just as good as mystery guys jogging in basketball shorts—hmmm shorts. Ok, great. I got sidetracked. What was I saying? Oh yeah, please review…it just takes a minute or only 5 seconds to say WOOOOOOOOO! All reviewers get a preview of the next chapter!

For those of you who are like, "Hell woman, I need more boy love!" check out my new O/S, 'A Good Idea'—yeah, umm…it's honestly just pure smut, but that should hold you over 'til the next update which is already in progress.


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